A Notebook
by Emma-Cabin7ofCHB
Summary: Nico is snooping in Will’s bunk when he finds a notebook. A short Angsty Drabble that’s probably been done before. Something that made me cry writing it, and its perfect to read during the angsty hours of 2-4 am


**A small little Solangelo Drabble that I figured someone would like to cry about at 2 am. It's just that I had an angsty Solangelo thought that most likely has been done before but this is my twist on it. Have fun reading!**

Nico wasn't quite sure why he was even snooping around Will's bed, in a cabin he wasn't probably supposed to be in. He had knocked on the door and Austin had invited him in, saying that Will was taking a shower. The other Apollo campers had gone to the archery field, leaving Nico to wait for Will with a warning to leave stuff alone.

_ I'm Will's boyfriend. They won't get mad at me for looking at his stuff_. He reasoned. It was pretty standard. Brushes, clothes, and a lot of pictures of Will's mom, including a few of Nico himself.

He saw a notebook under Will's pillow, a unsuspecting composition notebook like the one Nico's mother had bought him when he started school back in Italy.

_ They still make those things? Holy Zeus, that's old._ He mused. He picked it up, brushing his hand over its black and white cover. He remembered filling the one his mother had got him with drawings. Dogs and cats, plus a lot of her and Bianca. Not one page had held his actual school work. He had been a rebel even back then.

He jumped as it was snatched out of his hands.

"_Don't touch that!"_

He looked up to see Will, more upset than he'd ever seen the usually laid-back son of Apollo.

"Will, I wasn't going to read it! It's obviously important to you, I'm sorry!" Nico apologized, looking up at Will's sky blue eyes, which flickered from him to the book anxiously.

"Will, why are you upset? I didn't mean... I don't want you to be angry with me."

Will placed the notebook back under the pillow, running his hands through his still wet hair.

"I'm not. Nico, I um... I'm not mad."

"You're upset though. You're always telling me to talk to you about stuff. Now I'm asking you to talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind," Nico grabbed Will's arm, gently pulling him until he was sitting on the bed beside him, eye level. It was a bit uncomfortable, but Nico liked the way his skin prickled when Will was near him, like the cold that always was in his bones went away. Will was so warm. Alive.

"The notebook... um. I- I'm sorry, it's stupid." Will tried to get up, but Nico held him still.

"It's _not_ stupid, Will! It's important to you and it's upsetting you. Now let me be your boyfriend and _help you_."

Will took a shuddering breath, blinking and then looking at the floor of the cabin, shoulders hunched and small.

"The notebook is a list of people I couldn't save. I started it after the Titan War." He whispered, folding in on himself tighter.

Nico _knew _what Will was trying to do. He himself had done it so many times that he couldn't even count. Will was trying to disappear. Go anywhere but where he was now. He was _scared_, and it broke Nico's heart. Will had been the one who had accepted him. _Loved him_. And now, he was so anxious he couldn't even meet Nico's eyes.

"Will- it's okay to feel like you failed. I know it. But you've done so much _good,_" Nico reached out to touch Will's arm, but Will yanked it away before he could.

"I- I tried so _hard_, Nico! I wanted to think that '_hey. It's okay. You did want you could_' but I can't! If I see one more of my friends- _my own siblings_\- dead on the ground... I might just lose it! I'm _tired, Nico!_ I am so, SO tired of losing, and losing, and losing-" Will broke off as he clutched his chest, a small sob breaking the little speech.

"It hurts, Nico. I was made counselor because I was the only one left who was old enough to be it. I lost so many people. I just... want it to be over? I'm not even sure. Look at me, Nico! LOOK AT ME!"

Nico did. He saw the hurt in Will's eyes, the tired haunted look that he'd seen in too many people's eyes at camp. He saw it in the ones who flinched just a little too hard when they heard metal clanking, who always fingered their swords.

"Hey, hey. Will. You are _alive._ Giving up isn't worth it, Will. Believe me. I gave up when my sister died. I didn't care. And it _sucked_. It absolutely, utterly, _sucked_. I care about you, the entire camp cares about you. Your mom? She cares a lot. The people in the notebook? Their deaths were _not_ in vain, Will. The Titan War sucked. The War with Gaia sucked even more. Yet you _lived through it_. I, I love you a lot. Please don't give up. Don't hurt yourself."

Nico placed his hands on either side of Will's round, tan face, feeling the tears wet his fingertips. Will stared, eyes not leaving Nico's.

"Nico... I'm screwed up. Why do you love me? Why'd you choose _me?"_ Will's voice shook, and he grabbed onto Nico's arms for support.

"I chose you because you didn't care that I'm the son of Hades. I love you because of how much heart you have. You made me feel... included. I liked the way I felt when I looked at you and saw that dumb, silly smile of yours. So I stayed, and chased it. Look what that got me. The best boyfriend a guy could ask for."

"After six months of me flirting." Will chuckled softly.

"Yeah. Gay panic and all." Nico laughed along with him.

They stayed like that for several minutes, holding onto each other for support. Nico dried Will's tears, and he smiled as Will leaned his head into Nico's right hand, reaching up to thread his fingers with Nico's own.

"This is nice." Will finally mumbled.

"Do you feel better?" Nico asked, kissing his boyfriend's hand gently.

"Such a gentleman! And yeah, I do. Thank you, Nico."

"Good. Now, how about we go eat?"


End file.
